Sorry Ed Sheeran

I suppose I should start off with why I have to apologise to Mr. Sheeran. Well, like most apologies it began with a drink. 

I sat with my parents on Friday night, sharing a few drinks and watching concerts like we normally do. My 25th birthday is in April and my dad suggested I get Ed Sheeran tickets as his tour brings him to Dublin on the 12th & 13th of April.

I’ve mentioned in a number of my previous posts – I’m unemployed. This naturally has left me penniless! 

This spurred an idea. As we all know drinking + ideas = bad. 

I had the fantastic idea to invite Ed Sheeran for a session in my garage to mark my birthday. I mean, obviously he’d want to go. It’s not like he has anything better to do! My parents laughed at me and the conversation swiftly moved on as we put on the Talking Heads Stop Making Sense Concert.

A few vodkas in and the parents have gone to bed. My mind immediately wandered back to my birthday and how ‘good’ of an idea it really was to invite Ed to my birthday. Yep. I was at the drunk stage where I was on a first name basis with this guy I’ve never met before!

A very poor google search gave me, what I believe, was (possibly) Ed Sheerans management email. I then proceeded to argue my case as to why Ed fucking Sheeran, should want to come to my birthday party. 

I haven’t even planned the party yet. 

So just to bring a bit of joy to anyone having a bad day today, here is the complete drunken disaster of an email I sent to Ed Sheerans management. 

“FAO: Ed Sheeran.
Dear Mr. Theodore Sheeran,
Yeah so I can’t afford tickets to your concert in Dublin on the 12th & 13th, but how convenient is it that my birthday is actually the 14th of April ??

Just wanted to invite you to a sesh in my garage, low key just a few close pals, family, yourself (& the missus of course!) I can’t force you to come nor can I pay you, but I can offer you copious amounts of free alcohol – my da reckons you’re a sloppy drunk, but so am I! I think it means we’d be buddies. 

You being there might actually take the heat off my quarter life crisis – it seems to be tearing my family apart at the seams. I lost my job, had to move home and it’s just been shit in general! But that’s not your shit, we can just drink and laugh and order Chinese food – we could talk for hours and hours about the sweat and the sour 😊😂

Oh! You being there could also alleviate some of the stress surrounding my only sisters upcoming wedding 😕😕 anyway look, you’re invited cause I think you’re sound and shit! I promise you’ll only have to pick a guitar up IF you absolutely want to! I’m not inviting you to perform, I’m literally inviting you cause you seem sound. I guess you get invited to a lot of shit, so I’ll leave you with my final argument:

14th of April 2017: Claire’s 25th birthday!

No cameras/phones/recording devices – this is a garage rule, not an ed Sheeran rule.

Free alcohol all night, beer spirits etc…

Karaoke 🎤 if you’re that way inclined.

Free alcohol…..

Free food!

Nobody would need to know 😂 sounds like I’m trying to purchase you for a hitman contract and that’s hilarious.

Also I’m there! (I swear to god I’m not as crazy as this whole email sounds.)
It’s been an awful shit few months and I just thought, “nothing ventured, nothing gained!”
Well, sound anyway for considering the invite! I don’t care what the boys say about you, I think you’re sound.
Much obliged! 

Claire Nolan”

So, Ed Sheeran and your management team, I sincerely apologise for taking the drunk text to the next level. I am a sham. I’d also like to apologise for saying we could talk about the “sweat and the sour” that’s just gross. I meant “sweet and the sour”. 

Song of the day:

“Should I? Should I? Maybe I’ll get drunk….again.”


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